The Croods 2013 Dvd Review

A single title card: “They’ll be back… eventually.” (This was 2013. No one believed it.) FINAL SCENE – THE LIVING ROOM

The room is dark except for the blue glow of a bulky CRT television. A child, KAI (8), sits cross-legged on a shag carpet, clutching a thick plastic DVD case. The case art is embossed: in big orange letters. The tagline reads: “Meet the world’s first modern family.”

The film begins. The Crood family huddles in a pitch-black cave. GRUG (Nicolas Cage), the father, scratches a new rule on the wall with a claw: “Anything new is bad.” His voice is a gravelly whisper. The Croods 2013 Dvd

Kai groans but doesn’t argue. This is the ritual.

The credits end. The DVD menu loops back to the main screen. The room is silent. The disc whirs. A single title card: “They’ll be back… eventually

Kai’s older brother, MAX (12), snatches the remote. “No way. We watch the trailers first.”

The baby, Sandy (a ferocious toddler), bites a rock. The sloth, Belt, hangs from Grug’s waist. Belt makes a sound: “Dun-dun-dun-dun…” (a beatbox of “Also sprach Zarathustra”). The case art is embossed: in big orange letters

Guy (Ryan Reynolds) appears wearing a shell necklace and a possum on his head. He introduces “FIRE.” The Croods scream. Grug snuffs it out with sand. Guy says, “It’s called future .” Eep’s eyes go wide.